Viver ou apenas existir 4

It may well be that what is described in the book turned out to be a bit hearty, but everything happened as it is stated there. Sure there are a lot of memoirs and maybe these are the ones where you could say it's a normal life, but that's also the view of how I experienced my existence. But that doesn't mean that I blame anyone around me or anything like that, it's all based on my own decisions. I wasn't able to judge whether they were right or wrong at the time, only afterwards. It was also 95% my decision to do it that way. Whether I would have let myself be told something or not is another question. But what will certainly accompany me to the end of my life, in whatever form, is that a person thinks of character assassination in order to perhaps give an impetus to his career. If facts and not estimates had been passed on from finance to the judiciary back then, my life would probably have taken a different course. Even if it was determined from this cause that I was guilty of some legal violations, I am convinced that I am innocent until the end of my life. I had decided that I would protect my son with my approach. Whatever you think of it now, I have decided that I am on the right path, otherwise my son might not be alive today.

Whether I'm happy with my current life or not, I can't necessarily answer, because I think that's a very personal view. I am happy. Why? On the one hand, my existence is now running smoothly in contrast to what I was already allowed to experience, on the other hand I am very happy that I was able to get rid of my addiction, which had accompanied me for 3 decades. I don't know how that happened in 2014. Was it a higher power or was it that I was closer to suicide than I wanted to admit to myself. Anyway, I won't question it. Perhaps the whole thing that I am giving here is an experience that could be of use to one or the other. But that doesn't mean that I condemn what I experienced, no, quite the opposite. In the meanwhile 6 decades of life there have certainly also been beautiful moments, and one of the things that comes to mind is the birth of my son. Judge for yourself whether this existence is worth living or not. You can see it how you want: are these memoirs or is it just a sequence of events in my life. I would like to say that at the time I experienced this I was of the opinion that this was correct. I hardly got any advice from relatives or friends as to whether this was right or not. But there was always a question as to whether I would have taken this into account. Of course, in the course of the following pages, there will always be places where I am on the verge of legality. But since these were some time ago and I personally stand by what I did or didn't do back then, I don't see any problems if these consequences arise. Whether this is a fulfilled or happy life is not up to me, but to the reader, but at the end I will draw a conclusion. Revised version number 4